Quality Nonsense

I’m speaking at A4u Expo on Wednesday afternoon about outsourcing for affiliates with Paul Madden (nee SEO Idiot).

The title of the session is Insider Secrets of Outsourcing Success:

Outsourcing can be your ‘secret weapon’ to scale your affiliate marketing business – but everybody has heard the horror stories about broken promises & poor quality work. Our two speakers offer actionable tips and advice on how to achieve results when outsourcing.

If you’ve questions during the talk, the session hash tag is #A4UB12.

Hope to see you there.

Back in April, I bought the domain Wish.co.uk with a little help from Sedo.

The sale picked up a few mentions, and lots of people asked what my plans were. After four months hard graft, I can finally share them…

I’ve just launched an ecommerce business selling gift experiences called – three guesses? – Wish.co.uk (AKA WishCoUk Ltd).

Go take a look: Wish.co.uk

I use PayPal a lot for my business [bear with me - this gets more interesting].

Unfortunately, their customer support sucks, badly. Since @AskPayPal asked me to explain my comments, I thought I’d share a real life example. But mostly since their customer support emails are so woefully bad, I might get a laugh or two.

Most recently, I contacted PayPal explaining that all outbound payments from my account were blocked. I was away in Portugal, but needed to pay a contractor ASAP.

PayPal wouldn’t fix it. Instead, they replied with a rambling, 416 word reply that offered zero answers – but instead a bizarre pick ‘n’ mix of cliches and statements.

So I thought I’d round up some of my favourite cliches & quotes from PayPal support emails…

“Rest assured that this does not imply that we are suspecting you with fraudulence or anything like that, no.”

“we only have your best interests in mind”

“You may, at the moment, view this as an inconvenience however in actual fact this system we use has helped reduce losses for both buyers and sellers”

“The system would just like to make sure that your payment goes through smoothly.”

[Re: their arbitrary block on my account] “Unfortunately, since there are thousands of transactions happening in the PayPal system in a per minute basis, it is virtually impossible to turn it off.

PayPal, your offshore customer service and/or CRM system suck, badly.

Interesting – Google are now sending out alerts to Webmaster Tools users if they find you running an old install of WordPress:

Subject: WordPress Update Available

Dear site owner or webmaster of http://qualitynonsense.com/,

Your site appears to be running an older version of WordPress. Google recommends that you update to the latest release. Older or unpatched software may be vulnerable to hacking or malware that can hurt your users. To download the latest release, visit the WordPress download page.

If you have any additional questions about why you are receiving this message, Google has provided more background information in a blog post about this subject.

Best wishes,

Google Search Quality Team

Watching The Apprentice tonight?

Each team had to design & build a smartphone app in just 24 hours – and build a userbase.

The boy’s team – who were robbed! – came up with Slangatang, a soundboard-for-stereotypes app plugged by TechCrunch and Pocket Lint.

The girl’s team, meanwhile, came up with the single worst app idea you’ve ever heard… (Wired.co.uk! What were you thinking choosing them?).

The Slangatang.com domain was registered in February 2010, lapsed in February 2012 and drops shortly.

Bid early, bid often at the SnapNames.com aftermarket auction.

[The co.uk, meanwhile, was registered earlier this evening].

PS. Quote of the week: “The next application you might be making is a job application”.

PPS. Be sure to check out the Offices.org.uk Apprentice Blog for blow by blow coverage of each episode.

Wired UK hosted a discussion last night dubbed ‘Fail Fast‘. This month’s issue explains their premise succintly…

“Fail! Fast. Then succeed. What European business needs to learn from Silicon Valley”

The live debate followed the print feature, with the founders of Moo.com and Firebox.com as well as investors Luke Johnson and Stefan Glaenzer talking to Wired editor David Rowan.

If the magazine feature is half as interesting, it’ll be well worth a read.

Last year, David Cameron pledged £400m to turn East London into the next Silicon Valley.

Many people, understandably, will conclude that this is A Good Thing.

Exposure for startups, support for small businesses and the promise to help the Brits square up to our American friends – what’s not to like?

They’d be missing the point. Like Vince Cable on a bad day, I’m mad as hell and not going to take it anymore.

Not for the first time, the British government have missed perhaps the single most exciting thing about so many internet companies.

[whisper]They are not location dependent.[/whisper]

Meanwhile, David Cameron, Boris Johnson et al obsess over the location of Twitter’s UK office like star struck school kids.

The Problem

Let’s call the problem ‘not as sexy as Twitter’ syndrome.

The reality is that building any business –whether it is moderately or monstrously successful – is hard work, especially in a recession.

Most startups fail, and even the successful ones are more likely to hit Groupon’s teabag budget, not buyout offers.

Nobody wants to read about the mundane minutiae on sites like TechCrunch or Mashable: dealing with tax red tape, wondering why banks won’t lend profitable businesses money, etc.

That’s fine – it’s not what they do. These do, however, fall well squarely within the Government’s mandate to encourage small businesses, and that is what they should be concerning themselves with.

So why my scepticism of their sudden enthusiasm for internet startups?

Enter The Olympics

In the 2012 Olympics, the government has inherited a white elephant so large that it makes the Millennium Dome feel like a Poundland bargain binge.

The total spend is – forgive me – genuinely Olympic, staggering by any measure, but genuinely appalling given the state of the British economy.

After London was awarded the Games, the Department for Culture, Media and Sport announced a budget of £9.325 billion.

In December, the Spectator put the true cost to the British taxpayer at closer to £12 billion.

For some context, the Coalition’s Comprehensive Spending Review last year introduced £7 billion worth of public sector cuts.

I am not denying that the Olympics brings benefits.

It means jobs, tourism, redevelopment of a deprived part of London and the chance for me to sublet my flat to desperate tourists, for starters.

But I remain to be convinced that this these offer value for money. And I believe that the Coalition Government has come the same conclusion.

Hence the sudden enthusiasm to bring Silicon Valley to, um, Stratford.

What’s This Got to Do With Startups?

The government is committed to hosting the Olympics, which will leave them with a very expensive, very empty Olympic Park afterwards.

If you’ve ever visited the former Olympic sites in cities like Barcelona, you’ll know what to expect.

The Olympic Park will be in Stratford, a part of London that is regretfully better known for deprivation than startups.

And Cameron & Co have pledged £400m to turn this into a Silicon Valley-style success.

This equates to approximately 0.3-0.4% of the Olympic spend, depending on whose figures you believe.

Suddenly, it feels less like backing British business, and more a case of ‘for an extra £50 we can use it for something useful’.

Details remain vague on how exactly the government money will be spent.

Vaguer still are the what exactly the name dropped firms – Intel, FaceBook, Google et al – have to do with it.

Will it work? I have my doubts. Here’s why.

What the Government Should Be Doing

Motivations aside, the things that encourage great execution are not as trivial as shared local boozers, fancy offices, or persuading Google to move their YTS kids in next door.

These distract from the real issues facing small businesses in 2011.

What the government should be doing is taking responsibility for fostering an environment that encourages homegrown entrepreneurs, not chasing the superstars of Silicon Valley.

That means things like encouraging bank lending to profitable small businesses or keeping services like Business Link that help nurture them.

I’ll be the first to admit that these ain’t half as sexy as getting to tweet: ‘Hanging with @Ev at Twitter HQ’.

But they would do rather more to encourage small businesses in the UK.

The Future

I’ll end with a few predictions:

#1. Government involvement with internet startups will be an expensive, ill-conceived disaster. Think ‘Millennium Dome with wifi’.

#2. Those that buy into it will be the American behemoths currently located in the UK burbs (eg, Amazon, eBay etc) – not homegrown startups.

#3. Stratford will continue to host a smaller startup scene than my kitchen.

PPS. Thanks to Flickr user mbiddulph for the photo.

You won’t find Beat That Quote.com in Google’s index, because Google have this week…

#1. Bought the UK finance comparison site for £38m

#2. Banned them from the search index for violating their T&Cs.

I’ve written before about Google’s abusive monopoly position. Google buying a major finance comparison site is merely the latest symptom.

Everybody in the search industry is having a good old chuckle at BeatThatQuote’s hilarious/filthy/scary backlink profile. Beat That Quote’s fruity paid links that have got them penalized, with BTQ no longer ranking for their own brand name.

But people appear to be missing the point: Google buying major comparison/affiliate sites is bad news for everybody (except their shareholders) – and here’s why.

Google is a Monopoly…

Let’s recap…

1. Google has 88-90%+ market share in the UK search market (depending whose stats you believe).
2. As a public company, Google’s sole responsiblity – despite the ‘don’t be evil‘ schtick – is to maximize profits for shareholders
3. Finance comparison sites are (amongst?) the UK’s profitable comparison sites…
4. …as well as some of the biggest spending AdWords advertisers
5. Google miraculously appear #1 on AdWords for ‘compare credit cards’ et al

#1 for ‘compare credit cards’, you say? Crazy times. It’s almost like they know the algorithm. Who’d have thought it.

Think Google aren’t going to push their luck with their treatment of Beat That Quote? You’re mistaken. They have a obligation to their shareholders to do so.

And the reported 30 day link buying penalty is nothing more than a smart gambit to appease competition regulators: “See! We treat our own sites the same way!”.

Except they don’t.

Think JC Penney’s recent paid link shenanigans are only going to get them hurt for 30 days? Seems unlikely – especially when they compete in part with Google’s new property Boutiques.com…

In recent years, Google have (allegedly) dished out penalties to various BTQ competitors for over-aggressive linkbuilding, including:

• Money Supermarket
• Go Compare
• Oceans Finance

Let’s be clear: many major finance comparison sites are up to shenanigans against Google T&Cs.

But if I worked at any of those companies, I wouldn’t be ‘feeling lucky’ next time Google’s next P&L figures require a pick me up.

Last year, the French Competition Authority concluded that Google was a monopoly and ordered the search giant to reinstate a banned AdWords advertiser.

Germany’s justice minister described Google as a ‘giant monopoly’ last year, while Russian Competition officials blocked their acquisition of the Begun ad network for similar reasons.

Expect further interest from other countries in the coming years.

Meanwhile, Back at Google HQ

Since I always imagine Larry & Sergey as Bill & Ted of Excellent Adventure fame, perhaps the hypothetical Google HQ conversation might go like this…

Larry: “Dude, I just remembered our guys in the UK blew Tuesday’s lunch budget on a massive finance comparison site.”

Sergey: “Hey – maybe we can leverage this to give our P&L figures a little tickle?”

Larry: “Remember, dude – don’t be evil…”

Sergey: “Let’s make it awesome – or merely drive the costs down to zero & put our competitors out of business – and nobody will ask any questions when we nuke the competitors for shady paid links…”

Larry: “Dude! That is a most excellent solution to our most heinous of problems: perpetual aggressive growth.”

Sergey & Larry: [Play air guitar 'Bill & Ted' guitar riff in sync]

…But You Can Do Something About It

Google’s acquisition of Beat That Quote can be investigated by the UK’s Competition Commission. In order for this to happen, the case has to be referred by the Office of Fair Trading.

Many moons ago, I worked at the the OFT. Complaints from members of the public can and are investigated. Here’s how to file a complaint.

To report anti-competitive or other behaviour by a trader or traders, please write to:

Enquiries and Reporting Centre
Office of Fair Trading
Fleetbank House
2-6 Salisbury Square
London
EC4Y 8JX.

Alternatively, they provide an email address: enquiries@oft.gsi.gov.uk.

Examples of Google’s Abusive Monopoly

Unsurprisingly, it’s no good merely saying ‘I don’t like it’ – you need to explain to the OFT how the company in question is engaging in anti-competitive behaviour.

For example…

#1. Moving organic results below the fold, adding more ads above the fold, and then giving the top slot to your own finance comparison site.

#2. Or price gouging comparison site AdWords advertisers who compete with Google’s monopoly.

#3. Or banning affiliates who use AdWords to drive traffic.

#4. Or issuing arbitrary lifetime bans for AdWords advertisers without right to reply.

#5. Ditto with AdSense publishers .

Just sayin’…

Since Google is the only show in town when it comes to the search marketplace, each and any of these constitutes abuse of monopoly power.

Further Reading On The Google Penalty

• Google Penalizes Beat That Quote – SEO Book
• Google Buys BeatThatQuote.com for £37.7m then Penalises Them! – Blogstorm
• Google demotes BeatThatQuote one day after buying it – The Register

Background On The Acquisition

• Google Buys BeatThatQuote, a UK Comparison Site Violating Google’s Guidelines – SEO Book
• BeatThatQuote Bought By Google! – Insider’s View
• Beat that! Google acquires the UK’s BeatThatQuote.com for £37.7m – SEO Book
• Why Google Made a Mistake Buying BeatThatQuote – Insiders View
• Google Acquires BeatThatQuote for $61.5 Million – Mashable
• Google To Acquire BeatThatQuote.com – Search Engine Land
• Google to Buy UK Finance Comparison Site Beat That Quote

Background On Google’s Monopoly Behaviour

• Google Is a Dangerous Monopoly – Beta News
• France Calls Google a Monopoly – New York Times
• Is Google a Monopoly: A Historical Perspective
• Is Google Now a Monopoly? – FT.com
• Google becoming “giant monopoly” – German minister – Reuters

Last year, The Times & The Sunday Times introduced a paywall.

Buried in the small print is a nasty surprise. You can’t cancel your subscription without six business days between your request and the rebill.

That means eight full days notice in a typical week in order to cancel a 30 day subscription.

Not good enough.

When I tried to cancel my Times Plus subscription, the customer service rep told me I had to pay for another month first. Au contraire – more on that in a moment.

Missed what you agreed to? That’ll be because the clause in question is buried five pages deep in their 8,000+ words of terms and conditions.

Nowhere on Times Plus could I find any mention of updating billing/cancellations etc.

How to Cancel Times Plus

The good news is that The Times use the Direct Debit scheme to handle subscription payments.

Direct Debits are regulated and covered by the Direct Debit Guarantee.

In short: you can cancel any time by contacting your bank, and they are obliged to help you sort the mess out – even if The Times refuse to help.

So to avoid the rebill, just call your bank & request that the Direct Debit is cancelled their end.

They may ask you to contact the Times first, but if you explain the issue they are able to cancel without their agreement.

Here’s What The Times Say…

Dear Richard,

Thank you for your email. Once you have an active subscription, simply email us and let us know you wish to cancel the direct debit and we will action this for you.

However, please note we will only cancel the next direct debit if there is a gap of 6 Business days between request to cancel and request for next payment. If the next payment due is WITHIN 6 Business days, then we can only cancel the direct debit after the next payment has been taken.

This is as per our Terms and Conditions:

27.4 To cancel your subscription you must either email us at help@timesplus.co.uk or write to us at Customer Liaison, News International Limited, I Virginia Street, London, E98 1RL. You may cancel your subscription or registration at any time however except as specified in clause 27.3 above:
a) no refunds will be made in respect of your subscription or registration payments; and
b) payment of your next monthly subscription or registration payment shall be taken and not refunded where we receive your notice of cancellation less than six Business Days prior to the due date of payment of that monthly subscription or registration payment.

These can be found by clicking on the following link:

http://www.timesplus.co.uk/welcome/tp_terms.htm

Kind Regards

John Gill
Times+ Customer Services

Back in 2009, I had one of those ideas: This is either the best idea I’ve ever had – or the worst”.

URL shorteners like Bit.ly were driving monster volumes of traffic, while Skimlinks had proved that there was money to be made swapping links for affiliate links on the fly.

So I made an offer to buy a popular URL shortener when it came up for sale, with a view to putting the two together.

My thinking was that if a tiny percentage were commercial links – a fraction of one percent – the huge volumes of traffic would earn good money.

With millions and millions of redirects being served by even some of the smaller services, this seemed to be a great opportunity.

I canned the project for various reasons, but part of that was seeing data for various on what kind of sites people redirect.

In short: the volume of remotely commercial traffic was a tiny, tiny percentage of my already rockbottom percetage estimate.

Acquisition Engine have just launched a very similar idea, called SHRTN.

Use it to shorten your links on Twitter etc, and they pay you for the traffic. At present, it only works with a handful of affiliate networks, but more are to be added in the coming months:

• Commission Junction
• LinkShare
• Google Affiliate Network

You can join SHRTN here.